Posted by Vanessa McLellan Posted on 2/12/2014 with No comments
He also used to spank me for any little reason he would come up with. Growing up was very hard for me because I wanted to commit suicide many times. I would wet my bed up to when I was 13 years old.
I had an alcoholic uncle living with us, and I started getting drunk at 13, with my uncles beers. My self esteem was so low, I don't even know if I had one.
I grew up very depressed, very insecure about my self, and really, I hated myself because of everything that I went through. When people would tell my dad that he was being to hard on me, he would always say that was his way of showing me and my brother love.
I grew up, became a teenager and at the age of 14 I decided I was going to lift weights so I can beat up my dad. I had so much anger and hate towards him that I can remember sometimes at night, I would hear a voice in my head tell me to go to the kitchen, get a kniffe and stab him in the heart. I was so close to doing that about two times, but I was afraid.
My father and me never had a good relationship, I wouldn't talk to him or even look at him in his face, that is how much I hated him for everything he did to me.
At this point, I was using drugs and getting drunk very often, all alone in my room. I got to the point when I would say I would never get married because I hated men. My life was such a disaster in many ways. I had so much anger in my heart, that I was so unhappy.
I remember crying my self to sleep almost every night, wanting to die, so I can just get some peace in my life. When ever I used to see girls my age, be hugged by their father, I would hate it so much, that I felt so angry and sad inside my heart, because I never had that.
When I turned 20, I got obsessed with getting thin, so I would hopefully get a diseases and die, so I stopped eating and I would only eat 2 protein bars. I was getting so thin, and I thought it would work for me. But I met these people who started inviting me to a Christian church. I was so hurt inside I just wanted something to happen. When I heard that there was somebody who loved me, I wanted to know that somebody. It was Jesus Christ. I gave my life to Jesus and thankfully, I stopped drinking, using drugs, and my life turned around to the better. I feel like God really healed my heart from all that abuse.
It was a process that I went through for years of professional help at church. Sadly, I don't have a relationship with my dad, I have been on my own for 10 years, but now at 30, I just got married to a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally, and who makes me very happy.
Abuse is something that hurts a child very strongly that stays in their heart for ever. I might of been healed but I will never forget all those years of abuse.
I can say it takes away a kids life. I child who is abused, has no life. Their body is there but their heart is broken. I hope my story helps people who went through the abuse, or who are abusing their kids.
Maybe they don't know they are doing that, but I hope my story help somebody in some way.
Submitted by Veronica (Baldwin Park, CA)
Labels: Child behaviour