The Bully Child

About 75% of the people in jail have been bully at some point of time in their childhood. Isn’t this an indicator that a bully child could be a potential criminal in future?

Looking at the other side, two third of the total shooting incidents in schools in America are the cases where the victims shot at the bullies out of revenge.

Isn't all this scaring?

If yes, read on … and If no, just check out and make sure that your child isn't a bully. Parents of a bully child are the last persons to know that their child is a bully.

Bullying is extremely dangerous for the bully child. Bully child is a potential a human bomb. It has to explode sometime time somewhere. It is only a matter of time. It might explode after 10-15 years. The right time to defuse this time bomb is NOW. … without wasting any time any longer. Prevention is always better than cure. kid boy bully pirate


Parents of Bullies

Most of the times parents of bullies are not bothered about this problem even if they have seen their kid bully around. It happens because their child never complains anything about it. The child does not complain because he is not the victim but the cause himself.

When ever any school or society calls for a meeting on the issue of bullying, the number of parents of bully children is hopelessly low. Parents of Bully child don’t feel any necessity to go to such meetings. They think that it is meant for the parents of the victims only.

In fact it is the other way round. Bullying does more harm to the bully than the victim. The victim may move away from the bully to other areas of life in future and he may not remain victim of this bully child any longer. But this bully child gets more motivated and turn into a bigger bully and might sometime turn into a criminal and land into a prison.


Common Characteristics of the bully child

Some of the common characteristics of the bully children are:

•     Insensitive to others
•     Impulsive, can’t wait for his turn
•     Easily gets angry
•     Dominating attitude
•     Aggressive behavior
•     Low tolerance level
•     Over asserting himself
•     Tendency to intimidate younger and weaker kids
•     Tendency to break rules
•     Criminal tendencies

What does bullying teach a bully?

Bullying teaches a child that :

•     Violence, aggression and threats are acceptable behaviors
•     Aggression is the only way to deal with people
•     Bullying easily get them what they want
•     It is easy to victimize people
•     Respect can be earned only by terrorizing other and not loving others

Bully vs Victim

The Bully is generally bigger and stronger than the victim. Most of the times he is with his gang of friends who encourage him to bully the victim. Victim is generally alone or with other victims. The bully always has fun and enjoys bullying, while victim always feels pain, misery and distress.


The vicious circle of Bullying

Bullying creates a vicious circle. It makes the victim scared of the bully, which encourages the bully and makes it easier for him to bully the victim again and again. Repeated bullying keeps adding to the intensity and makes the victim more scared and the circle keeps on going … unless the pattern is broken by somebody outside this vicious circle.

- Bully types - various kinds of bullies.
- For parents of bullies - How to handle a bully child.
- Why do children bully?
- Who are bully victims?

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Father Forgets

Father Forgets' was first published several decades ago. Since then it has been published several times in well known books and magazines including 'Readers Digest'. The famous author Dele Carnegie found it worth inserting it in his best seller ‘How to win friends and influence People’.

I would like you to read this article before finding indiscipline in your children ... and much before reading any further on child behavior or child discipline.

Father Forgets

Listen, son:
I am saying this as you lie asleep,
one little paw crumpled under your cheek and
the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead.
I have stolen into your room alone.
Just a few minutes ago,
as I sat reading my paper in the library,
a stifling wave of remorse swept over me.
Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking,
son: I had been cross to you.
I scolded you as you were dressing for school
because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel.
I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes.
I called out angrily
when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too.
You spilled things.
You gulped down your food.
You put your elbows on the table.
You spread butter too thick on your bread.
And as you started off to play
and I made for my train,
you turned and waved a hand
and called, 'Goodbye, Daddy!'
and I frowned, and said in reply,
'Hold your shoulders back!'

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon.
As I came up the road I spied you,
down on your knees, playing marbles.
There were holes in your stockings.
I humiliated you before your boyfriends
by marching you ahead of me to the house.
Stockings were expensive -
and if you had to buy them you would be more careful!
Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember,
later, when I was reading in the library,
how you came in timidly,
with a sort of hurt look in your eyes?
When I glanced up over my paper,
impatient at the interruption,
you hesitated at the door.
'What is it you want?' I snapped.
You said nothing,
but ran across in one tempestuous plunge,
and threw your arms around my neck
and kissed me,
and your small arms tightened
with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart
and which even neglect could not wither.
And then you were gone,
pattering up the stairs.

Well, son,
it was shortly afterwards
that my paper slipped from my hands
and a terrible sickening fear came over me.
What has habit been doing to me?
The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding
- this was my reward to you for being a boy.
It was not that I did not love you;
it was that I expected too much of youth.
I was measuring you
by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine
and true in your character.
The little heart of you
was as big as the dawn itself
over the wide hills.
This was shown by your spontaneous impulse
to rush in and kiss me good night.
Nothing else matters tonight, son.
I have come to your bedside in the darkness,
and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement;
I know you would not understand these things
if I told them to you during your waking hours.
But tomorrow
I will be a real daddy!
I will chum with you,
and suffer when you suffer,
and laugh when you laugh.
I will bite my tongue
when impatient words come.
I will keep saying as if it were a ritual:
'He is nothing but a boy - a little boy!'

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man.
Yet as I see you now, son,
crumpled and weary in your cot,
I see that you are still a baby.
Yesterday you were in your mother's arms,
your head on her shoulder.
I have asked too much, too much.

- W. Livingston Larned,

Did Father Forgets move your heart a bit? If yes, explore this site. There is a lot of stimulating material on this site for emotionally charged parents and teachers ... without going into psychological grammar.
If you have an experience, incident or story like Father Forgets, contact us  to share it with us. We'll publish it on our blog.

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Parents Fighting Hurts Children

Most parents disagree with their spouses on one or the other issues on various occasions. No one agrees on everything. Disagreeing with each other is natural and normal. But how you, as parents, handle conflicts with one another has a lasting impact on your children, their emotional health, and the decisions they will make about relationships later in life.

If both the spouses are normal in their behavior, mature enough to understand the issues in the right perspective, and sensitive towards each other, they know how to deal with their differences in peaceful and respectful manner.

But, that happens rarely.

Most of the times, either one or both of the parents deal with their differences in unpleasant manner and this is how parents’ fighting begins.

Even if one spouse is normal, mature and sensitive enough, the other fighting spouse does not let this one settle the differences peacefully.

Children not only need both parents but they need both happy parents.

Parents Fighting—It’s a Scary Time For Kids

It starts out as a simple disagreement or misunderstanding, but soon it escalates into harsh words and yelling or screaming. In some homes there will be tears and even physical pushing, shoving, or hitting. No, it’s not the children who are out of control. It’s the parents. They’re fighting . . . again.

As hard as fighting is on you and your spouse, and as emotionally draining as it is on the two of you, parents fighting is even harder on the children. When parents are out of control, it totally rocks a child’s world. Because if the parents—who are essentially the center of the universe for a small child—aren’t solid and stable and reasonable, then it seems absolutely nothing in their world is. And the child’s security is destroyed.

When parents fight, children feel the tension and the hostility. They become physically and emotionally upset themselves. You can see it in their faces and their body language, even if they don’t say it with words. They may cringe, cower, or hide. Some children hold their breath, start to hyperventilate, or get nauseous. Others will cry. All of them—regardless of how they do or do not show it or say it—are scared stiff.

Parents Fighting—“It’s not my fault, is it?”

Because children have little frame of reference and the world they live in is small, centering on themselves and their families and their limited exposure in life, they think everything that happens is directly related to them. And it is, of course, but not in the way that children think.

When parents fight, regardless of what parents are fighting about, many children blame themselves, thinking that somehow they might have been able to prevent the blow up, even when it wasn’t triggered by anything the child did or did not do.

If it is pre-empted by a situation involving the child or even a discussion about the child, they think that if only they had been “good,” their parents fighting wouldn’t be happening. Children internalize the problem and develop anxiety when parents fight.

Even though there is absolutely nothing they can do to change the circumstances, the fear eats at them from the inside out, doubts and insecurities fill their world, and they begin to suffer from low self-esteem.

Lasting Images of Parents Fighting

Many children carry lasting images of their parents fighting from their childhoods, long into adulthood. Memories of particular fights can traumatize children and stay with them forever.

In particular, if there is physical abuse in the home, the images of parents fighting will remain, never to be erased. For children, living in a home where parents are fighting and violence is a part of “everyday” life, it’s like living in a war zone. Children in these circumstances can suffer all sorts of dysfunctions too numerous to list—from bed wetting to learning disabilities to recurrent nightmares or headaches or stomach aches to ulcers. Children who must learn to survive in this kind of environment are suffering from incredible stress.

If You Watched Your Parents Fighting, You Learn Fighting—Or Peace Keeping.

Children learn behaviors and norms from the people closest to them—their parents. But if a family is dysfunctional, they will also learn that dysfunctional behavior. When a child grows up with parents fighting all the time, they either come to think of that as “normal” and become fighters themselves—frequently bullying other children or needing to have control in their other relationships—or they recognize that it is not normal and will do anything to avoid it. In the latter case, they become children who are altogether unassertive, giving in whenever there is a conflict or disagreement about anything, because they would rather keep the peace at all costs than risk an argument.

Neither of these approaches is healthy or effective in the long term. Children—and all people really—need to learn how to resolve conflicts in a calm, peaceful manner through effective communication techniques. But the children of battling adults have no role model to teach them this necessary skill. Children learn by example—and the children of parents who are always fighting—will struggle with relationship issues all their lives because they never learned how to communicate, compromise, and get along with others. They had no positive example to follow.

The Long-Term Effects of Parents Fighting

Most parents—especially those who don’t physically brawl with each other or consider their relationship abusive—don’t realize how much of an effect their fighting has on their children. While they can easily see how the extreme circumstances in other people’s homes could traumatize children, they fail to see that their own arguments and disagreements may be impacting their own children.

When children grow up in a home where the parents fighting is out of control, the child’s security is snatched away, and the child feels out of control of anything in his or her young life. The child doesn’t learn effective discipline techniques—not even how to exercise self-discipline. The trauma from the memories of the fighting can cause the children of fighting parents to avoid relationships or marriage because they fear repeating the cycle. In other cases, the children do grow up, enter into relationships, and repeat the cycle.

Even in families where parents fighting is not an extreme problem, parents should remember that what they do and say, and more importantly, how they act toward one another, influences their child, their child’s self-esteem, and their child’s short- and long-term emotional health, as well as their future relationships. One of the best things parents can do for their children is to set a healthy example when they do not see eye to eye and to seek counseling, if necessary, to develop more effective communication and conflict resolution techniques if fighting is an issue in their home.

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Have A Great Story About Child Descipline?

You have been a child. And now you are a parent. You must have come across so many memorable stories in your journey from a child to a parent.

Which is the best story you have? Something that moved your heart, or something that makes you smile even today.

Were you a naughty child? how did your parents handle you?

Do you want to share with us any of such incidents? Something that moved your heart, or something that makes you smile even today.

• Did your parents punished you physically?
• Do you punish your children physically?

Share your memories and thoughts with the whole world. We'll publish it on our blog, so that the whole world can read it.


And don't forget to upload a picture, if you have one. Tell us more things about the picture. Let the whole world watch your story.

Your Story


I was "Beaten" and I lived to tell my story
When I was a child I was a hellian. I was a very curious boy. If mom told me not to touch the stove I wanted to know how hot it actually was, so I touched ...


Spanking is NOT BEATING!
No normal parent (myself included)wants to spank their child but there are times when children push boundries too far and physical intervention is necessary....

My Thoughts
I am pro corporal punishment. I was punished with corporal punishment as a child and teen and I also use corporal punishment on my kids.


Ignorant Morons
I very seriously hope that someone reads this. You can tell a child no, and teach them what no means. If you can't do that you aren't a very good parent....

Sad Momma
I am not sure where to start... A little background, maybe. I have three children, a 9 yr old, 5 yr old and a 3 yr old. My 9 yr old is actually not mine,

I was Abused...
Ever since I can remember, my father was always very abusive to me emotionally, mentally, physically, verbally. He used to tell me words like You are worthless,

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I was Abused...

Ever since I can remember, my father was always very abusive to me emotionally, mentally, physically, verbally. He used to tell me words like "You are worthless, I'm as so sorry you are my daughter." Other times he would say to me "Nobody is ever going to love you." And he would say many bad words in often times. He would tell me that I was a very dumb (in stronger words) person. He used to tell me that I was so ugly and fat that he compared me to people on television.

He also used to spank me for any little reason he would come up with. Growing up was very hard for me because I wanted to commit suicide many times. I would wet my bed up to when I was 13 years old.

I had an alcoholic uncle living with us, and I started getting drunk at 13, with my uncles beers. My self esteem was so low, I don't even know if I had one.

I grew up very depressed, very insecure about my self, and really, I hated myself because of everything that I went through. When people would tell my dad that he was being to hard on me, he would always say that was his way of showing me and my brother love.

I grew up, became a teenager and at the age of 14 I decided I was going to lift weights so I can beat up my dad. I had so much anger and hate towards him that I can remember sometimes at night, I would hear a voice in my head tell me to go to the kitchen, get a kniffe and stab him in the heart. I was so close to doing that about two times, but I was afraid.

My father and me never had a good relationship, I wouldn't talk to him or even look at him in his face, that is how much I hated him for everything he did to me.

At this point, I was using drugs and getting drunk very often, all alone in my room. I got to the point when I would say I would never get married because I hated men. My life was such a disaster in many ways. I had so much anger in my heart, that I was so unhappy.

I remember crying my self to sleep almost every night, wanting to die, so I can just get some peace in my life. When ever I used to see girls my age, be hugged by their father, I would hate it so much, that I felt so angry and sad inside my heart, because I never had that.

When I turned 20, I got obsessed with getting thin, so I would hopefully get a diseases and die, so I stopped eating and I would only eat 2 protein bars. I was getting so thin, and I thought it would work for me. But I met these people who started inviting me to a Christian church. I was so hurt inside I just wanted something to happen. When I heard that there was somebody who loved me, I wanted to know that somebody. It was Jesus Christ. I gave my life to Jesus and thankfully, I stopped drinking, using drugs, and my life turned around to the better. I feel like God really healed my heart from all that abuse.

It was a process that I went through for years of professional help at church. Sadly, I don't have a relationship with my dad, I have been on my own for 10 years, but now at 30, I just got married to a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally, and who makes me very happy.

Abuse is something that hurts a child very strongly that stays in their heart for ever. I might of been healed but I will never forget all those years of abuse.

I can say it takes away a kids life. I child who is abused, has no life. Their body is there but their heart is broken. I hope my story helps people who went through the abuse, or who are abusing their kids.

Maybe they don't know they are doing that, but I hope my story help somebody in some way.

Submitted by Veronica (Baldwin Park, CA)

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I was "Beaten" and I lived to tell my story.

When I was a child I was a hellian. I was a very curious boy. If mom told me not to touch the stove I wanted to know how hot it actually was, so I touched it. My mom stood there as I cried and reminded me that I was told it was hot.

After a few minutes of pain she did what mothers do and got me some ice to ease the pain and a big bowl of ice cream. I guess she figured there was no need for a swat after the pain I went through.

Later in life when I was about 10, my family bought camper. It was a beautiful white. Me, being the moron I was, I thought it needed a little touch of "color". I found dad's collection of spray paint. I grab the brightest most neon orange I could find. I did my best as I painted a large orange circle on the back.

It took a few days but Dad found my painting. When I was asked if I painted the camper I promply responded with a sharp crisp "no". I was quickly found out by the orange residue on my fingers.

Dad asked me one more time. Again, I said no. He asked me why my fingers were orange. I didn't know what to say. He looked at me and told me he didn't want to spank me but it was the only way I was going to learn.

Did it sting? Yes. Did I do it again? No. Do I hate my father? Hell no. I am grateful for the quick painful swats.

Now, I am a US Marine and pursuing a degree in communication. I talk to my parents everyday and I have actually thanked them for the ways they have disciplined me. Every kids needs a solid swat now again.

Submitted by Chad (Seattle, WA)

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Sad Momma

I am not sure where to start...

A little background, maybe. I have three children, a 9 yr old, 5 yr old and a 3 yr old.

My 9 yr old is actually not mine, but my stepdaughter, who loves basketball, soccer and plays the piano. My 5 yr old loves school, cars and Tae Kwon Do. My 3 yr old is beautiful, energetic and has Autism Spectrum Disorder.

We have learned a lot this year about patience dealing with Autism. But, every so often, the kids (all three) have had a spank on the bum or a pop on the mouth, sent to the corner, or to their rooms.

As long as I have been married, we have always had some sort of dispute with "the mom". Meaning, we are never doing what she feels is right by her rules and regulations.

Over 6 years, we have gone to court for fighting more time (more than the 30% deemed) with said 9 yr old. Muscled through psychological evaluations fighting allegations of past abuse and poor parenting. We eventually were granted more time, though little it was, and abuse allegations were never substantiated.

We have always been nurturing of the family the 9 yr old lives with (mom, stepdad and new brother). Never mock, talk rudely about, and remind 9 yr old to call to chat to them during our parenting time.

Now, once again, we find ourselves having to fight to prove we are innocent. As I mentioned before, our kids are disciplined with spanks. But never to the fear of abuse. Until now.

9 yr often gets leeway at "the mom" house. Gets to pick what is for dinner, doesn't do chores and gets sassy often. At our house, we are fair, you eat what is put in front of you and you speak with respect to everyone. One weekend with us, 9 yr old was sassy while being chatted to about name calling and got a pop in the mouth after back chatting. No marks left, but startled and surprised the 9 yr old. She instantly stated that "mom said I could call the authorities if you ever laid a hand on me."

A day later... a nasty threat by "the mom", a police interview done and child services home interview on its way, I wonder what is child abuse? The occasional spank on the bum or pop to the mouth, or "letting the children do things their own way without any control". Who is causing more harm to this child/ren? What is this child learning about what they can and cannot get away with? What kind of person is this child going to grow in to?

Did we really abuse our 9 yr old?

Submitted by Sad Momma (USA)

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