I was "Beaten" and I lived to tell my story.

When I was a child I was a hellian. I was a very curious boy. If mom told me not to touch the stove I wanted to know how hot it actually was, so I touched it. My mom stood there as I cried and reminded me that I was told it was hot.

After a few minutes of pain she did what mothers do and got me some ice to ease the pain and a big bowl of ice cream. I guess she figured there was no need for a swat after the pain I went through.

Later in life when I was about 10, my family bought camper. It was a beautiful white. Me, being the moron I was, I thought it needed a little touch of "color". I found dad's collection of spray paint. I grab the brightest most neon orange I could find. I did my best as I painted a large orange circle on the back.

It took a few days but Dad found my painting. When I was asked if I painted the camper I promply responded with a sharp crisp "no". I was quickly found out by the orange residue on my fingers.

Dad asked me one more time. Again, I said no. He asked me why my fingers were orange. I didn't know what to say. He looked at me and told me he didn't want to spank me but it was the only way I was going to learn.

Did it sting? Yes. Did I do it again? No. Do I hate my father? Hell no. I am grateful for the quick painful swats.

Now, I am a US Marine and pursuing a degree in communication. I talk to my parents everyday and I have actually thanked them for the ways they have disciplined me. Every kids needs a solid swat now again.

Submitted by Chad (Seattle, WA)

Read more »

Sad Momma

I am not sure where to start...

A little background, maybe. I have three children, a 9 yr old, 5 yr old and a 3 yr old.

My 9 yr old is actually not mine, but my stepdaughter, who loves basketball, soccer and plays the piano. My 5 yr old loves school, cars and Tae Kwon Do. My 3 yr old is beautiful, energetic and has Autism Spectrum Disorder.

We have learned a lot this year about patience dealing with Autism. But, every so often, the kids (all three) have had a spank on the bum or a pop on the mouth, sent to the corner, or to their rooms.

As long as I have been married, we have always had some sort of dispute with "the mom". Meaning, we are never doing what she feels is right by her rules and regulations.

Over 6 years, we have gone to court for fighting more time (more than the 30% deemed) with said 9 yr old. Muscled through psychological evaluations fighting allegations of past abuse and poor parenting. We eventually were granted more time, though little it was, and abuse allegations were never substantiated.

We have always been nurturing of the family the 9 yr old lives with (mom, stepdad and new brother). Never mock, talk rudely about, and remind 9 yr old to call to chat to them during our parenting time.

Now, once again, we find ourselves having to fight to prove we are innocent. As I mentioned before, our kids are disciplined with spanks. But never to the fear of abuse. Until now.

9 yr often gets leeway at "the mom" house. Gets to pick what is for dinner, doesn't do chores and gets sassy often. At our house, we are fair, you eat what is put in front of you and you speak with respect to everyone. One weekend with us, 9 yr old was sassy while being chatted to about name calling and got a pop in the mouth after back chatting. No marks left, but startled and surprised the 9 yr old. She instantly stated that "mom said I could call the authorities if you ever laid a hand on me."

A day later... a nasty threat by "the mom", a police interview done and child services home interview on its way, I wonder what is child abuse? The occasional spank on the bum or pop to the mouth, or "letting the children do things their own way without any control". Who is causing more harm to this child/ren? What is this child learning about what they can and cannot get away with? What kind of person is this child going to grow in to?

Did we really abuse our 9 yr old?

Submitted by Sad Momma (USA)

Read more »

Spanking is NOT BEATING!...

No normal parent (myself included) wants to spank their child but there are times when children push boundaries too far and physical intervention is necessary.

As a child my parents spanked me maybe two to three times that I remember and I DESERVED IT! Most of the time my mother just had to look at me for me to know I went too far and for the most part that was enough of a deterrent.

I do the same with my kids. They know when I mean business and they act accordingly. They have some fear of the consequences and that I keep MY WORD as to what will happen if they choose not to listen. Because I instilled this respect with them at a young age I rarely had to spank them. All that was needed was a look or something said at the right tone for the meaning to come across.


The first and most important thing in raising children is to instill the fact that you are the PARENT AND NOT THEIR FRIEND! If you are worried about them "loving" you then you will wind up on Dr. Phil or worse Jerry Springer.


One more point I would like to make is when I read all the "anti-corporal punishment" arguments they all skew from what I would call beatings!


If someone can't distinguish the difference between smacking a kid in the behind and punching them with a closed fist...then all I can say is "they" need some counseling not the parent who knows the difference.

Not only that but coddling a child to the point that they have no fear for any consequence because your worried about their spirit is more detrimental to them in the long run.

Society has no worries about instilling FEAR in people who break the law! What do you think prison or jail is? It's punishment..period.

When a teen breaks the law what happens?.. Time-out. no they are punished not coddled. Most kids today think they are entitled to everything and don't want to work for any of it. And parents are to blame for most of their dysfunction.

Teach your kids right and wrong from the beginning and hopefully they will grow up to be descent human beings. Look at Donald Trumps kids... I don't think he coddled them growing up.

Be their parent not their friend and you will have done your job and they will love and respect you for it for the rest of their lives.


Submitted by Caring Parent (NY USE)

Read more »

Against Corporal Punishment

The people who are against corporal punishment argue the following negative effects of corporal punishment:
Negative effects of Corporal Punishment: Arguments against Corporal Punishment

• Scared Child
• Short term effect
• Psychological effect on the child
• Hatred towards the parents
• Parents' guilt feeling
• Children learn violence
• Unhealthy environment at home
• Children avoid activities altogether
• Making of a bully
• Immunity against Corporal Punishment
• Branding the child
• No harm from beating received in childhood?
• Adulthood of physically punished child: Long term effects

1. Scared Child

Physical punishment settles fear and phobias in child's mind. Beating shakes the whole body-mind constitution of the child. The whole physiology and psychology comes to an alarming situation. It is immensely painful.

Signs and symptoms of scared children

• Body trembling or shaking
• High blood pressure
• Testicles squeeze upwards
• Palpitations and pounding heart
• Sweating
• Nausea or faint
• Numbness or tingling sensations
• Feeling dizzy
• Hot or cold flashes
• Total blockade of mind, mind going blank

2. Short term effect

Corporal punishment has a short term effect. The child learns to behave only when he has fear of punishment. This is an external disciplining force. The internal system of child doesn’t learn to behave. Child's internal forces always work against Corporal Punishment and keep finding ways to avoid it. So the misbehavior returns as soon as the apprehension of physical punishment is over.


3. Psychological effect on the child against Corporal Punishment

Apart from causing immense physical pain, physical punishment also makes the child feel humiliated and insulted. His self esteem is hurt. The child feels rejected by the parents. This arouses the feeling of hated and resentment in child’s heart against the parent.

This is normal human reaction. We are all like that. This is the self defense mechanism we are all fitted with. Whenever someone points out our mistake, we tend to resist it. Our ego is hurt and we attack back with or without any reasonable defense or justification.

Now the child wants to react back. He wants to speak out or hit back. But if he does it, he might be beaten more.

So he learns to suppress it. But it comes out in some other form with or without the child having realized it. It may come out in various forms of negative emotions like bullying, not studying, bed-wetting, being depressed, having phobia, anxiety, lack of love, destructive attitude etc.

4. Hatred towards the parents 

Repetition of suffering, humiliation and struggle against Corporal Punishment reinforces the hatred in child's heart. The child doesn’t find his parent worth respecting. He begins to find out the things that the parent doesn’t do well. His attitude towards his parents becomes totally negative. He thinks his parents don’t love him and tends to dislike and disobey each of his parents’ command.

Children want love, care and attention. If they think their parents don’t love them they may try and find other things outside home which interests them. Some of them might be really harmful … like substance abuse.


5. Parents' guilt feeling

It causes tension in parents’ mind as well. Only exceptional case parent would be happy doing it.

Generally parents beat their kids in a fit of anger. After some time when they are at peace and give a second thought to the misbehavior of the child, they realize that probably kid didn’t behave as bad as they then perceived, and he didn’t deserve that punishment.

Then they hug, kiss, feel sorry and love their kids. They try to find ways to compensate the wrong they did to their child. Why do we feel guilty if it’s something good? What do you feel having done it?

We feel guilty only when we realize that we have done something bad. Parents’ guilty feeling itself proves the point against Corporal Punishment.


6. Children learn violence

What does parents’ beating with or without having felt guilty teach the kids?

It teaches them that it is acceptable to hit someone you love. And that you can use as much violence as you can against your loved ones and then get away with it by later loving, kissing, hugging and saying sorry. This is extremely poisonous lesson.

They tend to use this lesson in every relationship. This kills every relationship. So the child is bound to have problem in maintaining long terms relationship with people around him.


7. Unhealthy environment at home

Physical punishment is an act of violence. It creates an atmosphere of tension, hatred, fear and violence in the parent child relationship for several hours or may be months and years.

All members of the family are affected by this tensed atmosphere. Repeated instances take happiness out of the home. The home becomes like a prison or punishment cell for the kids.


8. Children avoid activities altogether

The child connects various things with one event of physical punishment. Some of them might be good while most of them are bad. Though the punishment is intended to stop bad things, the child learns to stop good things with it as well.

For example if a father beats his son for making mistakes in doing Science homework, the child, instead of realizing his mistake, resents. Since he can’t express his resentment because of his parent’s fear, he tries to find a way out of it.

How does he do it? He associates Science with beating and learns to hate Science, and starts searching ways and means to avoid studying Science.

This is his method of finding the way out of beating. He finds it easier than working against Corporal Punishment.


9. Making of a bully

Those who are regularly punished physically are almost sure to turn into a bully. Corporal punishment is certainly a prominent form of parent bullying their kids.

This teaches kids that stronger and elders can bully younger and week people. It is one of the main reasons for kids to turn into bullies. The kids who are bullied tend to vomit out their frustration by bullying others.


10. Immunity against Corporal Punishment

With every incident of physical punishment, child’s immunity against Corporal Punishment keeps increasing. Soon he learns to be stubborn. Frequently beating doesn’t cause fear in his mind or body any longer.

It is at this point Corporal punishment stops working altogether. And now on, its negative effects come exploding in a serious way. The child becomes totally out of control of parents.

Parents don’t have any tools that works on the child. The child becomes rebellious, and now he is in a position to control parents in whatever way he wants to.


11. Branding the child

In an advanced stage, the child might turn into a rebellious and may misbehave even more out of frustration. This aggravates the problem even more. The parents brand the child as a ‘bad Child’.

This Branding is very harmful. It teaches the child that he’s already branded. It doesn’t matter now even if he does something good. So why even try doing something good. The child misbehaves more than before, gets more physical punishment and the vicious cycle goes on.

And it teaches the parents that the child is a problematic case. There is no way to mend him. So why even try. The parents internally reject even the idea of correcting the child. And the child rejects the idea of doing anything good.

This is disastrous for their relationship, more so for kid's personality and his future life. This is total break down of parent child relationship.


12. No harm from beating received in childhood?

Some people say that they were beaten in their childhood whenever they did something wrong and that’s why they were doing well in life, and they suffered no harm from beating.

What does doing well in life means? A good job? Handsome salary? No criminal record?

Well according to me doing well should mean doing well in every aspect of life, like being a good parent, spouse, friend, colleague etc.

Beating always remains there deep inside the unconscious corners of child’s mind. We might or not be aware of it. And It does influence some part of our life.

Children who are beaten often tend to beat their kids when they become parents. Their relationship with their spouses and friends are unlikely to be as healthy as they should be.

They are always prone to violence. They have problems in maintaining long term relationships. Either they tend to be timid or dominating.

Are they actually happy, relaxed, cool and enjoy the life in a positive and contented way? I doubt it.

The damage is always there. It might be hidden behind the decency. But it is always there and it might come out in any form depending upon the external environment.


13. Adulthood of physically punished child: Long term effects

Such kids are likely to be very aggressive and violent and might have various personality disorders in their adulthood. They have problems in maintaining relationships with friends, colleagues, spouse and their own kids. Might even turn into criminal.

Read more »

Why do parents feel like spanking children

Most of us have grown with various forms of corporal punishment in an acceptable way. So we tend to use the same way to discipline our kids. We often find parents slapping, beating or spanking children. This is not an unusual scene. It seems to show immediate results and therefore we tend to believe that it is very effective.

After every act of physically punishing their children, parents justify their action by saying that they did it to improve their child’s behavior … for the child’s benefit in the long run. They might find any other fancy explanation for their action.

But the truth is, every act of physical punishment by parent arises out of parents’ frustration in their inability to control the situation any other better way.

What triggers physical punishment

What is the thing that triggers physical punishment by parents to their kids?

Parents’ anger or child’s misbehavior?

Good question? … Catch 22 situation … Isn’t it?

Let's say there are two kids misbehaving together. One kid’s parent gets angry while other kid’s parent doesn’t.

What does this mean?

This means that one parent over estimates that misbehavior and considers it worth being angry while the other doesn’t.

What does that mean?

It means, child’s misbehavior does not trigger parent’s anger. It is how the parent perceive that misbehavior, which triggers anger.

If anger is triggered, physical punishment is most likely to follow.

If there is no anger, the question of physical punishment doesn’t even arise.

So it is our perception of child’s behavior which triggers our anger and physical punishment.

That means if we are angry and physically punish our child, probably we are misbehaving more than our child.

Anger

We human beings use physical power only at a point when our mind can not find a non-violent solution.

Anger is a natural emotion of human beings. There is nothing abnormal in being angry. However, management of anger is critical. Anger shuts the mind to all solutions, howsoever simple they might be.

Some people are naturally more violent than others.

Other who are non-violent, are good at understanding the things in a much better way. They remain in their senses for a longer time and manage their violent emotions in a better way.

Manifestation of Power: Might is Right

Physical punishment by parents to their kids is nothing but a manifestation of power and not a technique to discipline kids. Why don’t we cause physical punishment to grown up children? Why we use this on kids alone?

Because somewhere deep inside us we know that we can overpower kids. So we tend to overpower them. Might is Right! When we have beaten the kids, our anger get satisfied .. finds an easy way out … satisfies our ego.

But in case of grown up children, we know that they can overpower us, therefore we don’t dare. Might is Right!

Feeling Guilty

Generally parents beat their kids and later feel guilty about it. They hug, kiss, feel sorry and love their kids. Why do we have to feel guilty if spanking is good?

Suppose you are driving your car down the street and your car just touches the car ahead of you. The guy in that car comes to you, drags you out and starts shouting, abusing and thrashing you. That guy is very tall huge bodybuilder. People gather around but none of them becomes to help. The guy beats you and while leaving feels sorry about it because he lost his temper.

How do you feel? … Kids feel the same when we spank, beat or thrash them and later feel sorry.

Finding better ways

If we can manage our anger for a few minutes only, we can assess the situation better. Relaxed mind can find better solutions. May be the child wasn’t at fault. May be you didn’t know the whole story. May be some one else did it. Could be anything … After a while you are a better person. You don’t overreact now. You can perceive the same action in a more rational way and decide your strategy accordingly and use any other better method to discipline the kid.

Read more »

Pro Corporal Punishment

Some people are great supporters of corporal punishment. They see only positive effects of corporal punishment. According to them following are the advantages of corporal punishment:

• That’s the only language children understand, and they understand it instantaneously.
• That’s how you can prevent children from spoiling.
• I’m good and successful today because my parents hit me when I did something wrong. That's why I'm doing well in life. I suffered no harm from my parents having beaten me.
• It has deterrent effect as well. If you beat one child in front of other children, not only that child learns to behave, others also learn a lesson to behave.
• Children try and test your limits. Show them some physical punishment so that they know it very clearly that each mistake of theirs will attract some physical punishment.
• It is only fear which restrains children from misbehaving. Show the something to be afraid of and they will behave.
• Corporal punishment has instantaneous effect. Children obey and behave absolutely right when punished.
• Pampering and talking to them lovingly spoils them.
• There is no point in talking to them regarding solving any of their behavior problem because they are young and have no understanding of the worldly wisdom. So it's better not to waste time on teaching them through talking. Just show them the fear of doing something wrong and they will do everything right.
• History of corporal punishment suggests that it has taught children to behave over last so many ages.

If all this is right, why do people feel guilty after every act of causing physical punishment to their children? This feeling of guilt is our internal voice, from our higher self.

Isn't it the same feeling which we get after doing something wrong? This feeling is our internal meter, a device installed by God.

It measures our acts on a devine scale and tells us what we did was right or wrong. We might fool the whole world, but we can't fool our inner voice.

When my little brother gets a beating, he always ends up going back behaving in the same nature. 

If you have tried and failed using all kinds of corporal punishments on children, try reading and applying the techniques mentioned in Good Child Guide by Dr. Noel Swanson, BM, MRCPsych. This is a wonderful manual to control and discipline children without getting into power struggle with them. I have applied his techniques at my home and found them more than useful. Believe me you can easily do without any physical punishment if you follow the 'Good Child Guide'.

Read more »

Corporal Punishment

Corporal punishment is a fancy name of causing physical punishment with a view to correct behavior of a child.

The history of physical punishment is as old as our civilization. We have been watching and hearing numerous physical punishment stories around us since our early childhood. Times have changed but it hasn’t.

Almost every parent has spanked, hit, slapped, pushed or caused any other form of physical punishment to their children at some points of time. They might have done it willingly or unwillingly, with or without pre-planning or having any intention to do it. They do it because they think this will correct their kids' incorrect behavior.

But does it really works? Lets explore ...

Some people support physical punishment while others are against it. Let's find out their views. Click on the links below to visit the pages on pro and againt Corporal punishment and come back:

• In favour of corporal punishment. You must read this page. Believe me.
• Against corporal punishment
• and one more article...Why do parents feel like spanking children

Are you back? Okay! Let's go ahead ...

Let's summarise the good and bad points from both sides in a table. It'll help us analyze easily and properly:

Points of Comparision	Pro Corporal Punishment	Against Corporal Punishment
Arguments	It is only fear which restrains children from misbehaving. Show them something to be afraid of and they will behave. That's the only language children understand, and they understand it instantaneously. That's how you can prevent children from spoiling. I'm successful and doing well today because my parents hit me when I did something wrong. It has deterrent effect. If you beat one child in front of other children, others also learn a lesson to behave.	There are so many other non-violent methods to discipline kids, like encouraging, listening, withdrawal of privileges etc., which have long lasting effects on the child's behavior. By stopping physical punishment and using positive discipline techniques, the frequency of misbehavior keeps on reducing and ultimately fades out with the passage of time. This also improves love, affection and harmony in the parent child relationship.
Good points	It works instantaneously. It has deterrent effect on other children as well.	It has long lasting effect. The child learns self discipline without the application of any external force. There is lot of love, affection and harmony in the parent child relationship. The child grows into a happier adult, leads a relaxed life and enjoys the life sharing the joy of life with people around.
Bad Points	It has a short term effect. The misbehavior return as soon as the apprehension of physical punishment is over. Apart from suffering physical pain, the child feels humiliated, insulted and rejected by parents. This arouses resentment and hatred in his heart against the parents. The child doesn't find his parents worth respecting. This destroys the relationship completely. It provokes violent thoughts in child's mind and teaches him that violence is an acceptable behavior in a relationship and if you love somebody, it is okay to beat him/her for the things that they do which you think are wrong. It creates an atmosphere of tension, hatred, fear and violence in the parent child relationship. The child begins to hate and avoid doing the thing for which he was punished doing it the wrong way. Child learns aggressive and violent behavior, becomes abusive or bully in any relationship that he might have ever in future. Repetitions of physical punishment makes the child immune against it, and then it doesn't even work temporarily. Produces negative emotions in child's heart like fear, phobia, anxiety, lack of love, sadness, depression, panic etc. The child might turn rebellious and may misbehave even more out of frustration. The parent brand the child as a 'Bad Child'. The branding teaches the child that he is already branded and it doesn't matter now even if he does something good. So why even try? Parents beat their kids and later feel guilty about it. Likely to cause various personality disorders in the child's adulthood. He might grwo into a timid or bully or even a criminal adult.	It doesn't produce immediate effects. It might take few hours, days or even months. It requires lots of patience, control, use of parenting skills and management, which every parent might not have.

From the comparision given in the table above, it is very clear that physical Punishment does more harm than good to the child.

Physical punishment is not only bad but dangerous. There have been numerous cases where parents have committed heinous offences under the garb of disciplining their kids. In West Virginia, a man spanked his son for two hours, which killed the little boy. The only crime the little boy committed was that he disobeyed one of God's law, which was unacceptable to the fundamentalist Christian father. The father felt it justified to give his son hell.

Most of us have grown with various form of physical punishment in almost acceptable way. So we tend to use the same way to discipline our kids. It seems to show immediate results and therefore we tend to believe that it is very effective.

Every parent thinks that “He/she is always right”. So for the parent, kid’s behaving means following parents wishes and commands, and misbehaving means disobeying parent’s wishes and commands.

But are the parents always right? I’m sure no one is 100% right all the time. That means sometimes parents might be wrong, and these are the times when children are forced to do wrong thing only because their parents think them right.

There are many other healthier ways to teach them discipline. If we stop physical punishment and simultaneous use other positive discipline techniques like listening, encouraging, understanding, avoiding criticism and arguments, etc. children begin to cooperate.

Even if stopping physical punishment doesn’t improve the situation immediately, it certainly doesn’t make them worse. Even this is a great reward that you and your kids can remain the same (howsoever bad) without use of violence. So even if stopping physical punishment doesn’t make any difference, why do that?

The results may not be dramatic in the beginning. But slowly their behavior improves. The frequency comes down slowly. And the atmosphere at home or school is more peaceful and fun. It reduces our stress and tension as well.

"When my parents spanked me it made me feel more hatred towards them and feel that no one understands me". - by S5am  (california)

Lesson ... we need to be more kind, forgiving and patient with our kids.

Read more »